15 bonkers things Alex Jones said on his way to $1.5 billion judgment
Notorious right-wing radio host Alex Jones is going through some things, and it’s not just because people suddenly found out that adjudicated sexual assaulter and convicted felon Donald Trump claimed he had an “amazing” reputation. The infamous “false flag” flapper, 9/11 truther, and amphibian homophobe is reportedly liquidating his assets to pay the hefty damages he owes to the Sandy Hook families he defamed in the wake of the horrific school shooting. And according to some media reports, this could finally be his Waterloo—if Waterloo is a place where a guy who believes in secret Obama weather machines was forced to cough up $1.5 billion for being an unrepentant asshole. And hey, it’s about effing time. To paraphrase Martin Luther King Jr., the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward Alex Jones sitting in his grandma’s basement eating off-brand Funyuns and watching Spanish-dubbed “Saved by the Bell” reruns. From the CNN story: The seismic move paves the way for a future in which Jones no longer owns Infowars, the influential conspiracy empire he founded in the late 1990s. Over the years, Jones has not only used the media company to poison the public discourse with vile lies and conspiracy theories, but also to enrich himself to the tune of millions of dollars. Prior to Thursday, Jones had resisted converting his personal bankruptcy into a Chapter 7 liquidation. But facing mounting legal pressure, he reversed course and caved to the demands of the Sandy Hook families, who have still not seen a penny from Jones since juries in Connecticut and Texas found him liable in 2022 for defamation and emotional distress. Fun, right? So in honor of Jones’ defenestration, we’re presenting 15 of his worst greatest hits—one for every $100 million he owes to the innocent grieving families he continually tormented by insisting that the massacre never took place. Hope it was worth it, Alex! (Note: This list is by no means exhaustive, though depending on your nonsense tolerance, it may very well be exhausting. You’ve been warned) 1. Sandy Hook This is the big one: the conspiracy-laden lie that led to Jones’ upcoming comeuppance. Jones was rightly—and righteously—sued by families of the Sandy Hook mass shooting victims for making numerous false and hurtful statements, which he repeated ad nauseam with zero regard for decency or truth. In a September 2022 retrospective, The New York Times collected just a few of these: “My gut is, with the timing and everything that happened, this is staged. And you know I’ve been saying the last few months, get ready for big mass shootings, and then magically, it happens.” “Folks, we got to get private investigators up to Sandy Hook right now. Because I’m telling you this — this stinks to highest heaven.” “It’s as phony as a $3 bill.” “Why did Hitler blow up the Reichstag — to get control! Why do governments stage these things — to get our guns! Why can’t people get that through their head?” Good God, what a vile piece of shit. 2. Gay frogs You might think this was just a one-off, but no. Jones’ rants about gay frogs spanned several years—in the end surviving longer than the Confederate States of America. In 2010, he said, “The reason there’s so many gay people now is because it’s a chemical warfare operation, and I have the government documents where they said they’re going to encourage homosexuality with chemicals so that people don’t have children.” And in 2017 he was back at it, claiming, “The majority of frogs in most areas of the United States are now gay.” It remains a mystery why he’s so obsessed with the subject, but he clearly is. YouTube Video 3. Government weather machines On May 21, 2013, Jones claimed weather machines were likely responsible for a tornado that had wreaked havoc in Oklahoma the day before. From Media Matters for America: After laying out how insurance companies use weather modification to avoid having to pay ski resorts for lack of snow, Jones said that “of course there's weather weapon stuff going on -- we had floods in Texas like fifteen years ago, killed thirty-something people in one night. Turned out it was the Air Force.” Following a long tangent, Jones returned to the caller's subject. While he explained that “natural tornadoes” do exist and that he's not sure if a government “weather weapon” was involved in the Oklahoma disaster, Jones warned nonetheless that the government “can create and steer groups of tornadoes.” Bonkers, right? Well, it apparently wasn’t quite bonkers enough to prevent him from repeating the theory as soon as a Democrat was back in the White House. Following a December 2021 tornado in Kentucky, Jones was back at it, asking, “Did they use weather weapons to cause the tornadoes? That’s a legitimate question to ask.” 4. Robert Mueller, demon and pedophile Naturally, anyone who would agree to investigate Donald Trump while notorious tornado-witch Barack O
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Notorious right-wing radio host Alex Jones is going through some things, and it’s not just because people suddenly found out that adjudicated sexual assaulter and convicted felon Donald Trump claimed he had an “amazing” reputation. The infamous “false flag” flapper, 9/11 truther, and amphibian homophobe is reportedly liquidating his assets to pay the hefty damages he owes to the Sandy Hook families he defamed in the wake of the horrific school shooting. And according to some media reports, this could finally be his Waterloo—if Waterloo is a place where a guy who believes in secret Obama weather machines was forced to cough up $1.5 billion for being an unrepentant asshole.
And hey, it’s about effing time.
To paraphrase Martin Luther King Jr., the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward Alex Jones sitting in his grandma’s basement eating off-brand Funyuns and watching Spanish-dubbed “Saved by the Bell” reruns.
From the CNN story:
The seismic move paves the way for a future in which Jones no longer owns Infowars, the influential conspiracy empire he founded in the late 1990s. Over the years, Jones has not only used the media company to poison the public discourse with vile lies and conspiracy theories, but also to enrich himself to the tune of millions of dollars.Prior to Thursday, Jones had resisted converting his personal bankruptcy into a Chapter 7 liquidation. But facing mounting legal pressure, he reversed course and caved to the demands of the Sandy Hook families, who have still not seen a penny from Jones since juries in Connecticut and Texas found him liable in 2022 for defamation and emotional distress.
Fun, right?
So in honor of Jones’ defenestration, we’re presenting 15 of his worst greatest hits—one for every $100 million he owes to the innocent grieving families he continually tormented by insisting that the massacre never took place.
Hope it was worth it, Alex!
(Note: This list is by no means exhaustive, though depending on your nonsense tolerance, it may very well be exhausting. You’ve been warned)
1. Sandy Hook
This is the big one: the conspiracy-laden lie that led to Jones’ upcoming comeuppance.
Jones was rightly—and righteously—sued by families of the Sandy Hook mass shooting victims for making numerous false and hurtful statements, which he repeated ad nauseam with zero regard for decency or truth.
In a September 2022 retrospective, The New York Times collected just a few of these:
-
“My gut is, with the timing and everything that happened, this is staged. And you know I’ve been saying the last few months, get ready for big mass shootings, and then magically, it happens.”
-
“Folks, we got to get private investigators up to Sandy Hook right now. Because I’m telling you this — this stinks to highest heaven.”
-
“It’s as phony as a $3 bill.”
-
“Why did Hitler blow up the Reichstag — to get control! Why do governments stage these things — to get our guns! Why can’t people get that through their head?”
Good God, what a vile piece of shit.
2. Gay frogs
You might think this was just a one-off, but no. Jones’ rants about gay frogs spanned several years—in the end surviving longer than the Confederate States of America.
In 2010, he said, “The reason there’s so many gay people now is because it’s a chemical warfare operation, and I have the government documents where they said they’re going to encourage homosexuality with chemicals so that people don’t have children.”
And in 2017 he was back at it, claiming, “The majority of frogs in most areas of the United States are now gay.”
It remains a mystery why he’s so obsessed with the subject, but he clearly is.
3. Government weather machines
On May 21, 2013, Jones claimed weather machines were likely responsible for a tornado that had wreaked havoc in Oklahoma the day before.
From Media Matters for America:
After laying out how insurance companies use weather modification to avoid having to pay ski resorts for lack of snow, Jones said that “of course there's weather weapon stuff going on -- we had floods in Texas like fifteen years ago, killed thirty-something people in one night. Turned out it was the Air Force.”Following a long tangent, Jones returned to the caller's subject. While he explained that “natural tornadoes” do exist and that he's not sure if a government “weather weapon” was involved in the Oklahoma disaster, Jones warned nonetheless that the government “can create and steer groups of tornadoes.”
Bonkers, right? Well, it apparently wasn’t quite bonkers enough to prevent him from repeating the theory as soon as a Democrat was back in the White House. Following a December 2021 tornado in Kentucky, Jones was back at it, asking, “Did they use weather weapons to cause the tornadoes? That’s a legitimate question to ask.”
4. Robert Mueller, demon and pedophile
Naturally, anyone who would agree to investigate Donald Trump while notorious tornado-witch Barack Obama remained at large must have a screw loose. Or else he’s a demon. There’s gotta be something wrong with him, right?
Don’t worry, Alex is on the case.
From The Hill:
“That’s a demon I will take down, or I’ll die trying. So that’s it. It’s going to happen, we’re going to walk out in the square, politically, at high noon, and he’s going to find out whether he makes a move man, make the move first, and then it’s going to happen,” Jones said, miming a pistol with his hand.“It’s not a joke. It’s not a game. It’s the real world. Politically. You’re going to get it, or I’m going to die trying, bitch. Get ready. We’re going to bang heads. We’re going to bang heads.”
Oh, right: Jones also made death threats against Mueller, a decorated military veteran and former head of the FBI. Did I forget to mention that part?
In July 2021, Jones also accused Mueller of being a pedophile, saying, “Everyone’s so scared of Mueller, they’d let Mueller rape kids in front of people, which he did.”
5. Bill Gates’ COVID plot
Bill Gates was a frequent right-wing punching bag during the COVID-19 pandemic because of his … vow to donate all his money to save the lives of millions of people who live in poverty? Who really knows anymore?
I just know lots of MAGA folks hate him … and so does Jones.
Jones’ overarching conspiracy theory about Gates has many threads, but this is the broad contour: Gates, acting as the public face of a plot by globalist elites to depopulate the earth, created and released the novel coronavirus, spurring efforts to create a vaccine that will then be used by globalists to sterilize or kill the most of the earth’s population.
Jones began targeting Gates with coronavirus-related conspiracy theories as early January, when there were few reported coronavirus cases in the U.S. In a video posted January 27 to Infowars’ streaming platform Banned.video, Jones called Gates “the chief science officer of the private corporate world government” who was helping globalists “carry out and execute this covert sterilization depopulation plan.”
6. 9/11 truther
This is one of the OG anti-government conspiracy theories, so naturally Jones is an adherent.
In 2011, Jones told Rolling Stone he was actually one of the first to question the official 9/11 story.
“I went on the air and said, ‘Those were controlled demolitions. You just watched the government blow up the World Trade Center.’ I lost 70 percent of my affiliates that day. Station managers asked me, ‘Do you want to be on this crusade going nowhere, or do you want to be a star?’ I’m proud I never compromised.”
He’s proud, folks. Proud! I wonder if he’s just as proud of sticking to his Sandy Hook story. Because that one didn’t work out quite as well for him, did it?
7. Race wars
Okay, maybe this one isn’t so far out there. After all, loads of people have discussed the inevitability of a civilization-disrupting American race war—like Charles Manson, for instance.
Jones’ take on the issue in the wake of the unrest that followed the police-involved killing of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri, was typically repulsive.
“That’s what’s going on: Media nationwide is pushing race war,” Jones claimed. “That’s all they’ve got. Don’t like Obamacare, you’re a racist. Don’t want to turn your guns in, you’re a racist. Michael Moore—‘if you own guns and you’re white, it’s because you’re scared of black people.’ That’s a quote from CNN. This is all they’ve got, while these big foreign banks that own the country loot the treasury with bailout money, Obamacare scamming everybody, Obama opening the borders up, giving free welfare to tens of millions of people, all these unconstitutional scams happening. And all they’ve got is getting us to fight with each other.”
Yes, God forbid we have a president who encourages people to fight with each other. Thank God Donald Trump came along to save us from ourselves. And just in time, too!
8. Lady Gaga’s satanic Super Bowl halftime show
Hey, I already like Lady Gaga; no need to sell me on her. That said, here’s another frothing soliloquy from this fucking guy.
“The organizers of the Super Bowl are deciding to defile America and break our will by having us bow down to this,” Jones said in a rant posted Sunday on his website.[...]
“On top of the stadium, ruling over everyone with drones everywhere, surveilling them in a big swarm,” Jones said. “To just condition them, ‘I am the goddess of Satan,’ ruling over you with the rise of the robots in a ritual of lesser magic. They have to tell you what they’re planning in the future.”
“The rise of the machines is here,” Jones continued. “You are broken, you are fallen, and I squat on top of you and basically piss all over you. Just like at the Hillary event, she wore the clear Nazi pure black uniform with the SS hat and the red insignia to again, flaunt it, rub it in, dominate you and say, ‘I am the dark one, I am the beast.'”
9. Goblins!
If this were anyone else, you’d naturally assume Jones is using the term “goblins” metaphorically. But with Jones you never really know. Either way, this is super fucking weird, man.
10. Pizzagate
In case you remain unconvinced that Jones is a coward—despite his evident pride in sticking with his 9/11 conspiracy theories—get a gander at his reaction when the infamous Pizzagate conspiracy theory suddenly went cattywampus.
From Media Matters:
Alex Jones suggested last month on his radio show that “something’s being covered up” at the restaurant that’s been falsely accused in the “pizzagate” conspiracy theory and “it needs to be investigated.” Days later an Alex Jones listener attempted to "self-investigate” Comet Ping Pong and ended up firing his gun inside the restaurant. After the shooting—and after media began reporting that the shooter is a fan of Jones—Jones deleted the YouTube video.
Come on, man. When shit like this happens you’re supposed to YELL LOUDER, not meekly give in to the globalists.
11. Picklegate
During her 2016 presidential campaign, Hillary Clinton opened a jar of pickles on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” to prove she was hale and hearty enough to handle a 3 AM crisis.
Well, because this was Hillary Clinton, millions of right-wingers were outraged. And, naturally, Jones was among them.
"Thousands of people, even millions of people, are convinced I rigged the pickle jar," the host said on Thursday's "Jimmy Kimmel Live!"One believer, conservative conspiracy theorist and radio host Alex Jones, dedicated a great deal of his radio show to explaining how Kimmel allegedly conspired with the Democratic presidential candidate in loosening the jar's lid ahead of taping.
"If you're ever feeling bad about your job," Kimmel joked, "just remember there's a grown man who spent a full seven minutes yelling about me and a pickle jar on television."
12. Antonin Scalia was murdered
Both Jones and Trump (see below) have suggested that uber-conservative Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was actually whacked. The supposed evidence? He was found dead in his bed with a pillow on his head.
“You just get used to this ‘Scalia found, it’s natural, nothing going on here, he just died naturally,’” Jones said in a video on Facebook. “And you’re like, ‘Whoa. Red flag.’ Then you realize, Obama is one vote away from being able to ban guns, open the borders and actually have the court engage in its agenda and now Scalia dies. I mean, this is hardcore.”
Jones went on to wonder whether Justice Clarence Thomas, former presidential candidate Ron Paul or GOP front-runner Donald Trump could be next.
Oh, and look who agrees with him!
Trump raised questions about the circumstances surrounding Scalia's death. "I'm hearing it's a big topic -- that's the question. And it's a horrible topic, but they say they found a pillow on his face, which is a pretty unusual place to find a pillow," he told radio host Michael Savage on "The Savage Nation."
Okay, all I can say about this is: worst hitmen ever!
“Say, did you put the pillow back under his head?”
“I thought you did!”
“No. Shit! Oh, well. As long as Alex Jones and Donald Trump don’t find out, we’re probably in the clear.”
“Yeah. Say, did you get the latest specs on Barack’s gay-frog tornado machine? The miracles of modern technology—I tells ya.”
13. ‘Cyborg slaves of Satan’
Wait, I thought “cyborg slaves of Satan” referred to the dozen or so people who bought Google Glass back in 2014. Apparently not.
Jones: I declare this July 4, 2022, to be a declaration of independence against the alien force on this planet today waging war against humans and our biology and our very future, that is attempting to exterminate the majority of us and force the minority that’s left to merge with AI computers and become cyborg slaves of Satan.
Hmm, looks like someone sprinkled a little too much butter and bath salts on their popcorn before watching “Independence Day” for the 20th time.
14. Disgusting homophobic Adam Schiff rant
Okay, this one’s really gross. Too gross for me to transcribe, in fact. So I’ll just leave it here.
Warning: Not safe for work. Or home. Or a tucked-away library carrel. Or a backyard cockfight, for that matter. Watch at your own risk.
The virulently homophobic rant picks up at 42 seconds, right after Jones says “I’m not against gay people.”
15. Giving Donald Trump ideas
Donald Trump isn’t bright enough to come up with his own conspiracy theories, but Jones has always been more than happy to do the legwork for him.
Not only did Trump echo Jones’ suggestion that President Obama had Antonin Scalia murdered, he’s also regularly loaded Trump’s nonsense-filled head with still more nonsense.
Trump has echoed Jones’s allegations that climate change is a myth, that President Obama wasn’t born in America, that Muslims in New Jersey celebrated on 9/11, that Antonin Scalia was murdered, that Clinton used drugs before a debate, that “globalists” (read: prominent Jews) are trying to take over America, that vaccines cause autism and that Ted Cruz’s father was involved in the John F. Kennedy assassination. Jones, who says he advises Trump privately, boasts that Trump repeats his ideas “word for word.”
Thanks for that, Alex. Thanks for everything, in fact. It’s been real.
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