Everything Donald Trump touches dies

After being scraped out of the White House and deposited back at Mar-a-Lago, it didn't take long for Donald J. Trump to begin holding for-profit events that looked and sounded a lot like campaign rallies but have, in fact, been nothing but personal cash grabs. Donald likes yelling his grievances at a live audience; if weird and sedition-friendly Americans want to pay Donald to complain at them inside sweaty arenas with other like-minded masochists, Donald's going to take the money and yell the things. We're all accustomed to this game by now, so if you assumed that Donald Trump getting paid was going to turn out to be connected to nearly everyone else involved in the effort getting screwed, you get no prize. Sure enough, the "American Freedom Tour" has been failing to pay its bills, canceling events, and leaving speakers not named Donald Trump wondering if they're ever going to get their money. The Washington Post brings us that news, and it's filled with the sort of details that really bring home what a thoroughly Trumpian operation this thing has been. American Freedom Tour is the company that's been organizing these Trump rallies, and the Post reports that Donald Trump personally appears to be getting paid his full amount for every appearance. The same isn't true for the company's "vendors, investors, and employees," as the company cancels events and promises everyone that the money's coming real soon now. "In addition to Trump, the shows featured right-wing celebrities such as Candace Owens and Kimberly Guilfoyle, as well as motivational speakers offering personal finance courses," notes the Post, which immediately raises the question: How close do you have to be to Donald, personally, to get your money? Candace Owens probably won't be seeing any cash, but does dating one of Trump's children improve your odds? Yeah, I'm betting no. I'm pretty sure Donald Trump would hate you forever if you proposed giving Donald Trump slightly less money so that you could pay anyone else, including Donald Trump Jr., a dime. Those names are also a reminder that, despite the high ticket prices, these events weren't exactly posh affairs. Trump is the headliner, and everyone else is "people that you'd never, ever pay money to hear from." What's not clear from the Post's story is why the company is canceling events. A company spokescreature cites "unforeseen scheduling issues," which might mean that Donald Trump keeps having to nix event dates because they've been conflicting with his ongoing series of crimes but could also mean that Trump's draw—recent pictures from attendees have shown venues that might be half full, if you're being generous—has so faded that it's become hard for the events to turn a profit. In fact, it's almost certainly that. The company has been putting on Trump for-profit Trump rallies and yet can't pay its bills. That means it’s not selling enough tickets to make its business plan profitable. Trump can draw a gaggle, but Trump can't draw a crowd. We also know that Trump has been demanding that donors and other suckers pay for his flights to and from events, and you know whatever speaking fee he's charging is one far steeper than what the ticket sales can justify. So that's a little treat. Everything Trump touches dies; everyone who works with Donald Trump ends up getting stiffed. You'd think after decades of this, the world would run out of suckers, but no. No, there are always more people who think, "if I partner up with Donald J. Trump, I won't lose my shirt."

Everything Donald Trump touches dies

After being scraped out of the White House and deposited back at Mar-a-Lago, it didn't take long for Donald J. Trump to begin holding for-profit events that looked and sounded a lot like campaign rallies but have, in fact, been nothing but personal cash grabs. Donald likes yelling his grievances at a live audience; if weird and sedition-friendly Americans want to pay Donald to complain at them inside sweaty arenas with other like-minded masochists, Donald's going to take the money and yell the things.

We're all accustomed to this game by now, so if you assumed that Donald Trump getting paid was going to turn out to be connected to nearly everyone else involved in the effort getting screwed, you get no prize. Sure enough, the "American Freedom Tour" has been failing to pay its bills, canceling events, and leaving speakers not named Donald Trump wondering if they're ever going to get their money.

The Washington Post brings us that news, and it's filled with the sort of details that really bring home what a thoroughly Trumpian operation this thing has been. American Freedom Tour is the company that's been organizing these Trump rallies, and the Post reports that Donald Trump personally appears to be getting paid his full amount for every appearance. The same isn't true for the company's "vendors, investors, and employees," as the company cancels events and promises everyone that the money's coming real soon now.

"In addition to Trump, the shows featured right-wing celebrities such as Candace Owens and Kimberly Guilfoyle, as well as motivational speakers offering personal finance courses," notes the Post, which immediately raises the question: How close do you have to be to Donald, personally, to get your money? Candace Owens probably won't be seeing any cash, but does dating one of Trump's children improve your odds?

Yeah, I'm betting no. I'm pretty sure Donald Trump would hate you forever if you proposed giving Donald Trump slightly less money so that you could pay anyone else, including Donald Trump Jr., a dime.

Those names are also a reminder that, despite the high ticket prices, these events weren't exactly posh affairs. Trump is the headliner, and everyone else is "people that you'd never, ever pay money to hear from."

What's not clear from the Post's story is why the company is canceling events. A company spokescreature cites "unforeseen scheduling issues," which might mean that Donald Trump keeps having to nix event dates because they've been conflicting with his ongoing series of crimes but could also mean that Trump's draw—recent pictures from attendees have shown venues that might be half full, if you're being generous—has so faded that it's become hard for the events to turn a profit.

In fact, it's almost certainly that. The company has been putting on Trump for-profit Trump rallies and yet can't pay its bills. That means it’s not selling enough tickets to make its business plan profitable.

Trump can draw a gaggle, but Trump can't draw a crowd. We also know that Trump has been demanding that donors and other suckers pay for his flights to and from events, and you know whatever speaking fee he's charging is one far steeper than what the ticket sales can justify.

So that's a little treat. Everything Trump touches dies; everyone who works with Donald Trump ends up getting stiffed. You'd think after decades of this, the world would run out of suckers, but no. No, there are always more people who think, "if I partner up with Donald J. Trump, I won't lose my shirt."